I feel like screaming...but in a not bad way. I was going to say in a good way but I don't think it is a good way either. I feel like my mind is full of energy but my body is not...does everyone start feeling that way around midnight? Sometimes I wonder. I am trying to write something; my fingers feel like typing but I can't really think of things to write. I keep going all 'stream of consciousness' when I want actual substance. So I decided to actually post something on my blog because isn't that what blogs are supposed to be...like journals only on the internet for everyone to see and pick apart at their leisure? Well whatever. I am just going to type whatever pops into my mind even though I know I should go to bed because I have to get up relatively early in the morning to go christmas shopping. Blah! I don't want to go to bed. My brain won't let me. Even though my butt is numb from sitting in my computer chair and I know I should get up but I just can't and it's killing me! I'm dying! Dying dying dying dying dyyyyyiiiiinnnnngggg.....blakjragoaadaja;fj....*dead*
But not really. Only fake dying which I assume is a lot more fun than real dying because...YOU'RE NOT REALLY DEAD! hahahahahahah....hahadhha *cough* Yep that is what my brain is doing right now. My brain is laughing maniacally and then coughing because apparently my brain has it's own set of bronchial tubes and they are becoming irritating by dust mites! Then again there is a medicine called gabapentin (or something like that I may be totally wrong) that sends signals to the brain to STOP signalling the parts of the brain that control coughing and things...or maybe that was codeine. I don't know...it's one of those but I think it's funny because codeine is an opiate traditionally used to ease pain and now it is being used as a cough medicine. Just like chlorpromazine or thorazine as it is more well know is an a-typical antipsychotic but when used in small doses it can be used to control hiccups in small children. Isn't that weird?! I think that is super weird. I feel like I could just type forever just coming up with random things until my brain finally runs out but my brain will never run out until I die and maybe not even then and wow this sentence is super run on with no proper punctuation at all I am going to end this sentence right now. Okay my brain will never run out...unless what happens when you die is that you just disappear. But how can someone just disappear? Like it is impossible for something to disappear, right? I don't want to believe that after you die you are just gone forever and you don't even know you are gone because you don't exist and there is just nothing. Like the people that knew you remember you so you still existed but you don't exist any longer...unless it is like if people think you exist somewhere out there in heaven or hell or as a ghost or reincarnated into another body or in whatever place whoever thinks you are supposed to be then you will keep existing. Like as long as people remember you then your spirit and all the things that really made you YOU will keep existing wherever it is that we go after we die. But that is another question? Is the spirit even real? Is the soul real? Isn't what makes a person who they are just their brain and once their brain goes dead they cease to exist...if you can't think you can't exist because if you don't think at all then you are dead because your brain and your heart are the things keeping you alive...or can you be completely brain dead but still be alive because your heart is beating? That is something to ponder because if you are completely one-hundred percent brain dead then your heart can't beat because your brain is not sending signals to it to say to keep beating...but isn't it the brain stem or the spinal cord or something that controls rudimentary functions like heartbeat and breathing and stuff? So I guess even if your brain is completely dark if your brain stem/spinal cord (whichever one) is still active then your body will still be alive...but if that part is also dead then you are just dead. And I feel like I was trying to make a point but I completely forgot what the point was and I don't feel like re-reading what I wrote in order to try and figure it out.
For those of you (if there is any 'you') who have made it this far I have something else to say that is actually really important and something that I should have maybe put at the top so you didn't have to make it all the way down here to read it...I am a therian/otherkin. I have two theriotypes and two kintypes and they are a wolf, a bear, a dragon and a fairy and I am in desperate need of a pack. My wolf theriotype is the strongest and the one I am most connected too and it causes me to really want a pack which is strange because I am a very solitary person (like a bear and a dragon) and I really hate people and I just hope that maybe I haven't met the right people. So if you are a therian who is either already in a pack or looking to form one and you live in the Cocoa Beach/Orlando area please contact me somehow. Thank you for reading and have a nice life...totally not proof reading this thing so sorry for all the grammatical and punctuation mistakes.
